Pointy-toed Black Stilletos and America

(I) I cycle through several pairs of shoes for work. Coincidentally, they are all pointy-toed black stilettos (boot, sling-back, mule, etc). Every morning as I walk to the hotel where I wait for my taxi (coincidentally a hotel that the firm designed), I can't help but feel like my shoes are a modern version of bound feet in 19th century China. Why bind my own feet? Aesthetics.

(II) So while I'm standing at the taxi queue, there are always different people every morning. Italian businessmen, German officials, Japanese wives, and of course, travelling Americans. These foreigners are usually escorted by a middle-aged Chinese local who speaks their language and assists them with getting around town. The other day, I was standing next to an American guy with his smaller Chinese guide. He was looking around at people walking past, in and out of the hotel, and exclaimed in English, "There are just too many beautiful women here. I don't know what I'm going to do ..." Gross. I wish I turned to him and told him to fuck off. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel the white man in China gets fetishized by Chinese women like the Asian woman is fetishized in the States. But, you don't have to be a particularly attractive white man to get some action. It's troublesome how many potbellied, suspenders-wearing, balding white men I see hand in hand with a pretty little local girl. America is exotic here. Women love that. (!!!)

(III) To help me get through the day, I bring out all the music I have on Winamp and random. Pizzicato 5 is keeping me company right now (thanks ben-chan). Music is my only friend at work. Just kidding.

(IV) National diaspora and Shanghai's welcoming arms brings a ton of really interesting foreigners to the city of Shanghai. The foreigner/expat population (that is, English-speaking population, including people from North America, Europe, Singapore, Korea, Japan, etc) is well-connected, generally well-educated, and is a sort of social subset with prestige in local eyes (of course this has just to do with global economics). Globalized and well-travelled. In juxtaposition, they are a grand spectrum of interests and ideologies. Coming to this city isn't like Chinese-American goes to China to rediscover "roots." (I've learned I have mere shreds of roots here). It's like Chinese-American goes to China to meet world. More than anything, it has brought forth my identity as a person with deeply ingrained 'American' values (as my German architect boss calls it: optimism and initiative). I'd rather not tie it to a national affiliation, but when you become a sort of 'multinational' or even, 'a-national' (without affiliation), you really start to look for what is it about the place you came from that makes you different. And indeed, values are deeply tied to location and place-specific education. Like, no one seems to be as gung-ho about hating on Bush and the war in Iraq as I am.

(V) Perhaps the reality is that I left the States partly because of the disillusionment I had with "the condition of America." Everyone says to me, don't think so much, it's not healthy. Distance has helped my troubled psyche. I am not confronted with the shame and loss of faith in US policy and corruption everyday. Wow. Some days I dont even think about it! (Though those days are rare). It's therapeutic being here, among people who don't even think about war and definitely not how fucked up 'the leadership' is. I had this thought that whether or not I will return to the US soon will be determined by the November election. (Have all you out there cared more about this election? If W is reelected, I swear that, globally, a new breed of chaos will ensue). That thought about the date of my return might be fact, but it might be fiction.